Subject: Republican Dictionary
ACTIVIST JUDGE, n. A judge who attempts to protect the rights of
minorities--most especially homosexuals--against the tyranny of the
majority.
ALARMIST, n. Any respected scientist who understands the threat of global warming.
ALLIES, n. Foreigners who do what Republicans tell them to do.
ALTERNATIVE ENERGY SOURCES, n. New locations to drill for oil and gas.
BALANCED, adj. 1. favoring corporations (a more balanced approach to the environment.); 2. favoring conservatives (fair and balanced reporting).
BI-PARTISANSHIP, n. When conservative Republicans work together with
moderate Republicans to pass legislation Democrats hate.
CIVIL LIBERTIES, n. Unnecessary privileges that you aren't afraid of losing unless you are a God-hating, baby-killing, elitist liberal who
loves Saddam Hussein more than your own safety.
CLARIFY, v. Repeating the same lie over and over again.
CLASS WARFARE, n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
CLEAN, adj. The word used to modify any aspect of the environment Republican legislation allows corporations to pollute, poison, or destroy.
CLIMATE CHANGE, n. Global warming, without that annoying suggestion that something is wrong.
COALITION, n. One or more nations whose leaders have been duped, pressured or bribed into supporting ill-conceived, unnecessary,
under-planned and/or illegal US military operations.
CONVICTION, n. Making decisions before getting the facts, and refusing to change your mind afterward.
CULTURE OF LIFE, n. A reduction of reproductive freedoms.
DEATH TAX, n. A term invented by anti-tax zealots and referring to a tax used to prevent the very wealthy from establishing a dominating
aristocracy in this country.
DEMOCRACY, n. My way or the highway.
DEMOCRATIC ALLY, n. Any democracy, monarchy, plutocracy, oligarchy or dictatorship--no matter how ruthless--that verbally supports American diplomatic and economic goals.
DEREGULATE, v. To pursue greed and exploitation.
DETAIN, v. Hold in a secret place without recourse to law and treat in
any manner one wishes.
ECONOMIC PROGRESS, n. 1. Recession; 2. Rising unemployment; 3.
Minimum-wage freeze.
ECONOMIC RECOVERY, n. When three out of five software engineers who
lost their jobs to outsourcing are able to find part-time work at
Wal-Mart.
ELECTION FRAUD, n. Counting every vote.
FAIRER, adj. Regressive.
FAITH, n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral
values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary.
FAITH-BASED INITIATIVE, n. Christian Right Payoff.
FAITH COMMUNITY, n. Evangelicals, because they are saved, and hawkish
conservative Jews, because they are useful. Israel is the
bait-on-the-hook just waiting for God to take that Rapturous bite.
FAMILY VALUES, n. Oppression of women.
FISCAL CONSERVATIVE, n. A Republican who is in the minority.
FOX NEWS, n. White House Press Office.
FREEDOM, n. What Arabs want but can't achieve on their own without
Western military intervention. It bears a striking resemblance to
chaos.
GIRLY MEN, n. Those who do not grope women.
GROWTH, n. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. What happens
to the deficits when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.
HARD WORK, n. What Republicans say when they can't think of anything
better.
HEALTHY FORESTS, n. No tree left behind.
HONESTY, n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences: "Freedom is on the march."
HUMBLE FOREIGN POLICY, n. The invasion of any sovereign nation whose
leadership Republicans don't like.
HUMBLED, adj. What a Republican says right after a close election and
right before he governs in an arrogant manner.
INSURGENT, n. Armed or unarmed, violent or non-violent Iraqi on the
receiving end of an American rocket blast or bullet spray, regardless
of age, gender or political affiliation.
JOB GROWTH, n. Increased number of jobs an individual has to take
after losing earlier high-paying job.
JUNK SCIENCE, n. Sound science.
MORAL VALUES, n. Hatred of homosexuals dressed up in Biblical language.
MANDATE, n. What a Republican claims to possess when only 49 percent
of the voting public loathes him instead of 51 percent.
THE MEDIA, n. Immoral elitist liberally-biased traitors who should
leave Republicans alone so they can complete God's work on Earth in
peace and quiet, behind closed doors.
MODERNIZE, v. To do away with, as in modernizing Social Security,
labor laws, etc.
NEOCONSERVATIVES, n. Nerds with Napoleonic complexes.
OBSTRUCTIONIST, n. Any elected representative who dares to question
Republican radicals on the issue of the day.
OFFICE OF FAITH-BASED INITIATIVES, n. Christian Right payoff.
OWNERSHIP SOCIETY, n. A society in which Republican donors own the
rest of us.
PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTION, n. A non-medical term invented by anti-choice
zealots that refers to a broad class of abortion procedures; employed
as a first step in reversing Roe v. Wade.
PHILOSOPHY, n. Religion.
POLITICAL CAPITAL, n. What a Republican president receives as a result
of a razor-thin margin of victory in an election.
PRESS CONFERENCE, n. A rare event designed for the President to brag
about his prowess as a leader while simultaneously dodging difficult
questions.
PRIVATIZE, v. To steal the resources of the national community and
give them to private business.
REFORM, v. To eliminate, as in tort reform (to eliminate all lawsuits
against businesses and corporations) or Social Security and Medicare
reform (to eliminate these programs altogether).
REFORM, n. Rollback of New Deal reforms, laws, standards and social
protections.
RESOLUTE, adj. Pig-headed.
SIMPLIFY, tr. v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors.
SLAVE, n. A person without legal rights, e,g. a fetus.
SMALL BUSINESS OWNER, n. rich person
SOCIAL SECURITY REFORM, n. Leave no Wall Street broker behind.
STAYING THE COURSE, v., The act of being stubborn and unable to admit
glaring policy mistakes; being wrong and sticking with the wrong idea
regardless of the consequences.
STRICT CONSTRUCTIONIST, n. A judge with extremely conservative
beliefs, who interprets laws in a manner that fits his/rarely-her own
belief systems, while maintaining that this was the original intent of
the law.
SUPPORT THE MILITARY, v. To praise Bush when he sends our young men
and women off to die for no reason and without proper body armor.
TAX REFORM, n. The shifting of the tax burden from unearned income to
earned income, or rather, from the wealthy elite to the working class.
TAX SIMPLIFICATION, n. A way to make it simpler for large US
corporations to export American jobs to avoid paying US taxes.
TORT REFORM, n. Corporate immunity and impunity.
UNITER, n. A Leader who brings together his followers by fomenting
hatred for anyone who disagrees with him.
VERY CLEAR, adj. Modifier used immediately before any preposterous
explanation or rationale.