Originally Posted by
Chas'88
Full Transription:
Yuppie Pilgrim Girl (YPG): I am so glad that we invited the Chippewas for this holiday meal. Remember that these savages are our guests. We must not be surprised at any of their strange customs. After all, they've not had our advantages, such as fine schools, libraries full of books, shampoo.
(Yuppie parents faintly laugh)
(ENTER WEDNESDAY & other misfits/minorities dressed as Indians)
Wednesday Addams (W): How, I am Pocahantas, a Chippewa maiden.
Yuppie Father: An Indian.
Yuppie Mother: Enough said.
(Yuppie Father & Mother laugh)
Jewish Boy: And I am Running Bear, betrothed to Pocahantas, in the play.
Jewish Yuppie Mother: 20 grand for summer camp, he's mister woo-woo.
W: We have brought a special gift for this holiday feast.
(ENTER PUGSLY, dressed as a turkey)
Pugsly Addams: I am a turkey, kill me!
YPG: What a thoughtful gift! Why you are as civilized as we, except we wear shoes and have last names (Yuppie parents chuckle), welcome to our table, our new primative friends.
W: Thank you Sara Miller, you are the most beautiful person that I've ever seen. Your hair is the color of the sun, your skin is like fresh milk, and everyone loves you.
YPG: (falsely modest) Stop. Sit.
W: (blocking fellow "Indians") Wait.
YPG: What?
W: We cannot break bread with you.
YPG: (looking at the camp counselors/directors) Huh? Becky, what's going on?
Becky (female director): (whispering) Wednesday!
W: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, 'Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller'
YPG: (to Gary, the male director) Gary, she's changing the words.
W: And for all of these reasons, I've decided to scalp you, and burn your village to the ground.
("Indians" perform a raid on the Village & set fire to it.)
Gary: Children, stop it, you are destroying my text!
(Yuppie parents start reacting, some standing up to object, others looking confused. YPG is brought to a stake.)
Yuppie Jewish Father: He's not a team player.
Yuppie Jewish Mother: He's a special child, but he needs friends.
Yuppie Jewish Father: He needs friends like this?
(Jewish Boy pulls a lever and dumps his parents & the row they're sitting in off the bleachers. YPG screams, but is gagged by an apple that Pugsly puts in her mouth. Indians shoot flaming arrows at Gary & Becky. Random Pilgrim girl is sent flying into the nearby lake. Wheelchair bound Indian ties up YPG. Gasoline is put on the logs that are at YPG's feet. Yuppie parents of YPG object, and are immediately pied in the face. Wednesday approaches YPG, lights a match, and smiles devilishly.)
CUT to later. Indians are sitting at the table, waiting to eat. Gary & Becky are over an open flame being BBQed. Wednesday & Jewish Boy are in a canoe on the lake, leaving the scene of the crime.
~Chas'88
