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Thread: Humor







Post#1 at 05-24-2010 10:20 AM by James50 [at Atlanta, GA US joined Feb 2010 #posts 3,605]
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Humor

Sometimes this forum gets a bit too serious. I thought I would start a thread for humor.

We all know the country is going to hell, but just how close are we?

http://bit.ly/bZ7vkF

James50
The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected. - G.K. Chesterton







Post#2 at 05-24-2010 10:59 AM by The Grey Badger [at Albuquerque, NM joined Sep 2001 #posts 8,876]
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The bottom of the handbasket is starting to feel warm.
How to spot a shill, by John Michael Greer: "What you watch for is (a) a brand new commenter who (b) has nothing to say about the topic under discussion but (c) trots out a smoothly written opinion piece that (d) hits all the standard talking points currently being used by a specific political or corporate interest, while (e) avoiding any other points anyone else has made on that subject."

"If the shoe fits..." The Grey Badger.







Post#3 at 05-24-2010 01:20 PM by K-I-A 67 [at joined Jan 2005 #posts 3,010]
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Quote Originally Posted by The Grey Badger View Post
The bottom of the handbasket is starting to feel warm.
So, I assume that your hellodometer reads about 225 miles and your tank to hell guage reads 1/4 full.







Post#4 at 05-25-2010 03:54 AM by Copperfield [at joined Feb 2010 #posts 2,244]
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Post#5 at 05-30-2010 08:14 PM by Chas'88 [at In between Pennsylvania & Pennsyltucky joined Nov 2008 #posts 9,432]
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I will admit it, I am tired of thousands of illegal immigrants crossing our border and disrespecting our soil. As a proud and patriotic American I think this problem has to be stopped. However I think that the news focuses on the wrong border. Everyone is concerned about our border with Mexico--but what about the one we have with Canada? Did you know that every year about 3 million illegal immigrants cross our northern border and begin a long trail of fecal desecration to our native American soil? And do you know what's worse? It's that they cross the border just to have their children here in the United States so that they can say that their children are Americans. I have to say that I'm tired of these Canadians illegally sneaking in to our country. They're loud, they're obnoxious, and they don't clean up after themselves. In fact I personally have experience in battling and dealing with these illegals--I have many battle scares from chasing them down with shovels and hosing them and the litter they leave behind away. They aren't environmentally friendly and they trash about every place they go--especially my Boy Scout camp. On a whole, they're ruining our great nation.

If you have trouble telling apart these Canadian illegals from our native New England Yankees (and believe me it's like trying to discern the difference between Cubans and Floridians), then here are some pictures which shows these illegal Canadian Immigrants in action:

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

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...

...



Portrait of a typical Canadian Illegal Immigrant



Here's the mess that they leave US to clean up.



Here they are with their "American Children".

~Chas'88
"There have always been people who say: "The war will be over someday." I say there's no guarantee the war will ever be over. Naturally a brief intermission is conceivable. Maybe the war needs a breather, a war can even break its neck, so to speak. But the kings and emperors, not to mention the pope, will always come to its help in adversity. ON the whole, I'd say this war has very little to worry about, it'll live to a ripe old age."







Post#6 at 05-30-2010 08:35 PM by Wes84 [at joined Jun 2009 #posts 856]
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Quote Originally Posted by Chas'88 View Post
I will admit it, I am tired of thousands of illegal immigrants crossing our border and disrespecting our soil. As a proud and patriotic American I think this problem has to be stopped. However I think that the news focuses on the wrong border. Everyone is concerned about our border with Mexico--but what about the one we have with Canada? Did you know that every year about 3 million illegal immigrants cross our northern border and begin a long trail of fecal desecration to our native American soil? And do you know what's worse? It's that they cross the border just to have their children here in the United States so that they can say that their children are Americans. I have to say that I'm tired of these Canadians illegally sneaking in to our country. They're loud, they're obnoxious, and they don't clean up after themselves. In fact I personally have experience in battling and dealing with these illegals--I have many battle scares from chasing them down with shovels and hosing them and the litter they leave behind away. They aren't environmentally friendly and they trash about every place they go--especially my Boy Scout camp. On a whole, they're ruining our great nation.

If you have trouble telling apart these Canadian illegals from our native New England Yankees (and believe me it's like trying to discern the difference between Cubans and Floridians), then here are some pictures which shows these illegal Canadian Immigrants in action:



~Chas'88
Oh no! We need to send the troops to the border to stop this carnage. What will become of our country if we don't? ()







Post#7 at 05-30-2010 09:38 PM by Odin [at Moorhead, MN, USA joined Sep 2006 #posts 14,442]
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HAHAHAHA! That's hysterical, Chas!
To recommend thrift to the poor is both grotesque and insulting. It is like advising a man who is starving to eat less.

-Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man under Socialism







Post#8 at 05-31-2010 01:14 PM by Andy '85 [at Texas joined Aug 2003 #posts 1,465]
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Solution: fly more jet planes along the US-Canada border.
Right-Wing liberal, slow progressive, and other contradictions straddling both the past and future, but out of touch with the present . . .

"We also know there are known unknowns.
That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know." - Donald Rumsfeld







Post#9 at 05-31-2010 02:25 PM by Chas'88 [at In between Pennsylvania & Pennsyltucky joined Nov 2008 #posts 9,432]
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Quote Originally Posted by Andy '85 View Post
Solution: fly more jet planes along the US-Canada border.
But that would increase our dependence on oil, which would give more money to terrorists, which means... those Canadian Illegals are terrorists looking to destroy America as we know it!

~Chas'88
"There have always been people who say: "The war will be over someday." I say there's no guarantee the war will ever be over. Naturally a brief intermission is conceivable. Maybe the war needs a breather, a war can even break its neck, so to speak. But the kings and emperors, not to mention the pope, will always come to its help in adversity. ON the whole, I'd say this war has very little to worry about, it'll live to a ripe old age."







Post#10 at 05-31-2010 07:06 PM by The Wonkette [at Arlington, VA 1956 joined Jul 2002 #posts 9,209]
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Quote Originally Posted by friutcake View Post
DELETED REMARK
I cry foul. There are at least two Blacks who post here who are engineers. Your post is offensive beyond reason.

I just reported this post.
Last edited by webmaster; 06-01-2010 at 02:40 AM. Reason: removed offensive remark which was quoted
I want people to know that peace is possible even in this stupid day and age. Prem Rawat, June 8, 2008







Post#11 at 05-31-2010 07:50 PM by Wes84 [at joined Jun 2009 #posts 856]
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Quote Originally Posted by The Wonkette View Post
I cry foul. There are at least two Blacks who post here who are engineers. Your post is offensive beyond reason.

I just reported this post.
Thanks Wonkette, I sent a report as well. What fruitcake said was totally unacceptable and very offensive.
Last edited by Wes84; 05-31-2010 at 07:52 PM.







Post#12 at 05-31-2010 08:04 PM by Odin [at Moorhead, MN, USA joined Sep 2006 #posts 14,442]
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Quote Originally Posted by friutcake View Post
DELETED OFFENSIVE REMARK
Craig, ban him, PLEASE!
Last edited by webmaster; 06-01-2010 at 02:40 AM. Reason: removed offensive remark which was quoted
To recommend thrift to the poor is both grotesque and insulting. It is like advising a man who is starving to eat less.

-Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man under Socialism







Post#13 at 05-31-2010 08:25 PM by The Grey Badger [at Albuquerque, NM joined Sep 2001 #posts 8,876]
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Quote Originally Posted by Chas'88 View Post
But that would increase our dependence on oil, which would give more money to terrorists, which means... those Canadian Illegals are terrorists looking to destroy America as we know it!

~Chas'88
Deter them with music. Let's start with "Christmas time is coming, the goose is getting fat....", and "Go tell Aunt Rhody... the old gray goose is dead." And others of that ilk. ALso 19th century recipes for poultices that include goose fat.
How to spot a shill, by John Michael Greer: "What you watch for is (a) a brand new commenter who (b) has nothing to say about the topic under discussion but (c) trots out a smoothly written opinion piece that (d) hits all the standard talking points currently being used by a specific political or corporate interest, while (e) avoiding any other points anyone else has made on that subject."

"If the shoe fits..." The Grey Badger.







Post#14 at 06-01-2010 09:13 AM by Earl and Mooch [at Delaware - we pave paradise and put up parking lots joined Sep 2002 #posts 2,106]
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Quote Originally Posted by Odin View Post
Craig, ban him, PLEASE!
And under "friutcake" as well - I got surprised today by one of his screeds under that name in another thread.
"My generation, we were the generation that was going to change the world: somehow we were going to make it a little less lonely, a little less hungry, a little more just place. But it seems that when that promise slipped through our hands we didn´t replace it with nothing but lost faith."

Bruce Springsteen, 1987
http://brucebase.wikispaces.com/1987...+YORK+CITY,+NY







Post#15 at 06-07-2010 02:41 PM by ASB65 [at Texas joined Mar 2010 #posts 5,892]
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Quote Originally Posted by James50 View Post
Sometimes this forum gets a bit too serious. I thought I would start a thread for humor.

We all know the country is going to hell, but just how close are we?

http://bit.ly/bZ7vkF

James50
And speaking of going to hell, my son showed me this video today. It's pretty good for a laugh. It may not be exactly politically correct, but he pretty much lets everyone have it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFGrQMD6Uqc







Post#16 at 06-14-2010 10:51 AM by James50 [at Atlanta, GA US joined Feb 2010 #posts 3,605]
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Fark headline this AM:

100,000 Uzbeks have become refugees fleeing Kygryz mobs, as the world begins to face the inevitable consequences of having passed Peak Vowel.

James50
The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected. - G.K. Chesterton







Post#17 at 06-14-2010 04:04 PM by Odin [at Moorhead, MN, USA joined Sep 2006 #posts 14,442]
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Quote Originally Posted by James50 View Post
Fark headline this AM:

100,000 Uzbeks have become refugees fleeing Kygryz mobs, as the world begins to face the inevitable consequences of having passed Peak Vowel.

James50
That's only funny for people who don't understand the difference between spelling and phonology. in many languages Y represents the sound of German "ü".
To recommend thrift to the poor is both grotesque and insulting. It is like advising a man who is starving to eat less.

-Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man under Socialism







Post#18 at 06-14-2010 05:02 PM by Ragnarök_62 [at Oklahoma joined Nov 2006 #posts 5,511]
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Cool Tone70's .sig

Quote Originally Posted by Tone70
__________________
"I am the nicest guy who will ever kick your ass"---Tone70.

One ass coming up !
TM

"Baaaaaad DONKEY!"---Shrek TM.
Kick some @*$$ to the tune of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExdEu...eature=related


*=bank CEO's
Last edited by Ragnarök_62; 06-14-2010 at 05:10 PM. Reason: messed up url
MBTI step II type : Expressive INTP

There's an annual contest at Bond University, Australia, calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term:
The winning student wrote:

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end."







Post#19 at 06-14-2010 11:58 PM by Adina [at joined Jan 2010 #posts 3,613]
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Quote Originally Posted by Odin View Post
That's only funny for people who don't understand the difference between spelling and phonology. in many languages Y represents the sound of German "ü".
In Kyrgyz it's actually an [ɯ] of all things. Kyrgyz is pronounced [qɯrʁɯz] in Kyrgyz.







Post#20 at 06-15-2010 01:00 AM by James50 [at Atlanta, GA US joined Feb 2010 #posts 3,605]
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Quote Originally Posted by Adina View Post
In Kyrgyz it's actually an [ɯ] of all things. Kyrgyz is pronounced [qɯrʁɯz] in Kyrgyz.
This forum is unbelievable!

James50
The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected. - G.K. Chesterton







Post#21 at 06-15-2010 08:54 AM by Odin [at Moorhead, MN, USA joined Sep 2006 #posts 14,442]
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Quote Originally Posted by Adina View Post
In Kyrgyz it's actually an [ɯ] of all things. Kyrgyz is pronounced [qɯrʁɯz] in Kyrgyz.
Ah, the unrounded U! thanks. That's actually a very common realization of the "oo" vowel around here.
To recommend thrift to the poor is both grotesque and insulting. It is like advising a man who is starving to eat less.

-Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man under Socialism







Post#22 at 06-15-2010 10:34 AM by Adina [at joined Jan 2010 #posts 3,613]
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Quote Originally Posted by Odin View Post
Ah, the unrounded U! thanks. That's actually a very common realization of the "oo" vowel around here.
In Minnesota or North Dakota!? In California, yes, but the North and North Central dialects are known for their conservative treatment of /u/ and /o/, even moreso than other places, according to William Labov's Linguistic Atlas of North American English. So in other words they tend to keep the original 19th century pronunciation found throughout North America, whereas in general /u/ has become much more fronted overall. Here's something from Wikipedia (and yes, their articles on dialects have been slowly improving now, and occasionally even border on being almost accurate)
"Like /aʊ/, the nucleus of /oʊ/ (as in go and boat) remains a back vowel [oʊ] [in the North], not undergoing the fronting that is common in some other regions. Similarly, the traditionally high back vowel /uː/ tends to be less fronted in the North than in other regions, though it still undergoes some fronting especially after coronal consonants."

If you can access Project MUSE, IIRC, look up Robert Ragiwara's "Vowel Production in Winnipeg", which although is mostly about Winnipeg English, also gives the formant frequencies found in the Inland North region of the US, as well as California English formant frequencies, and clearly shows that the Inland North pronunciations of the two vowels are the closest to the original 1700s and 1800s English pronunciation.

By the way, are you cot-caught merged, over there? Are most people cot-caught merged, like in the West and Canada, or is it just a transitional merger, where people either produce or perceive a difference in the vowels used in those words? How about Don and Dawn?
Last edited by Adina; 06-15-2010 at 10:38 AM.







Post#23 at 06-15-2010 11:38 AM by The Grey Badger [at Albuquerque, NM joined Sep 2001 #posts 8,876]
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And speaking of vowel-deprivation: when a list I'm on discussed the volcano in Iceland, I learned that in some languages, a "j" is actually a "y" or an "i", so that "ja" would be pronounced "ee-yah."







Post#24 at 06-15-2010 12:03 PM by Adina [at joined Jan 2010 #posts 3,613]
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Quote Originally Posted by The Grey Badger View Post
And speaking of vowel-deprivation: when a list I'm on discussed the volcano in Iceland, I learned that in some languages, a "j" is actually a "y" or an "i", so that "ja" would be pronounced "ee-yah."
Actually a better fauxnetic transcription of "ja" would be "yeah" if you spoke it with a strong Canadian or California vowel shift accent, or "yah", if you used the vowel that someone from Chicago would use in "mop" (sounds nearly but not quite like "map" to speakers of most other dialects). And Já (the word for yes) in modern Icelandic sounds like "yow".







Post#25 at 06-20-2010 01:50 AM by James50 [at Atlanta, GA US joined Feb 2010 #posts 3,605]
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Some doggerel courtesy of Mark Steyn. Kinda captures the moment:

"I fired off a speech/But the British kept a-spillin'/Twice as many barrels as there was a month ago/I fired off a speech/But the British kept a-spillin'/Up the Mississippi from the Gulf of Mexico ..."

How many folks remember Johnny Horton and the "Battle of New Orleans"?

James50
The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected. - G.K. Chesterton
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