Originally Posted by James50

Some doggerel courtesy of Mark Steyn. Kinda captures the moment:

"I fired off a speech/But the British kept a-spillin'/Twice as many barrels as there was a month ago/I fired off a speech/But the British kept a-spillin'/Up the Mississippi from the Gulf of Mexico ..."

How many folks remember Johnny Horton and the "Battle of New Orleans"?

James50

I not only remember it - I amused my professor by setting a modern-English version of "The Battle of Brunanberg" to that tune. It was actually a very faithful rendition of the original. It began "In 937 we took a little trip...."

(You know I was old - you didn't realize HOW old?)

I have a publication venue for the "British kept a'spilling" parody, though. Xenofilkia (pays in free copies), lee.gold@ca.rr.com

Parody - will be the end of me - "Scotland the Brave" sounds like "Scotland's Depraved" to me..."

Greatest headline ever !

http://bit.ly/aitskJ

James50

An honest political ad.

Originally Posted by herbal tee

An honest political ad.

Very well done

James50

Originally Posted by herbal tee

An honest political ad.

Very, very funny!

"Eat the United States"

Yes, very, very funny.

Originally Posted by James50

Very well done

James50

Originally Posted by ASB65

Very, very funny!

Originally Posted by BookishXer

"Eat the United States"

Yes, very, very funny.

Glad you all enjoyed it. :

Truthfully, it was really unplanned.
I just happened to be looking at Political Wire , just before I saw

Originally Posted by James50

Greatest headline ever ! http://bit.ly/aitskJ

And from there I just linked the comedy to the Forum. ::
Thanks for the link James, it is truly a work of postmodern literature. :

"The pursuit of happiness" on Independence Day. This link is a series of pictures(sorry some of them are of bikini clad women), but the ones that made me smile were the elevated king cab and "There's a little Evel in all of us!". Only in America - what a country!

http://bit.ly/dxj4gs

James50

http://www.cracked.com/funny-2360-the-1980s/

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape! Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:Eat and drink what you like.Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

James50

Originally Posted by James50

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape! Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:Eat and drink what you like.Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

James50

Wow is that true. Why do we have so many freaking heart attacks?

Originally Posted by James50

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

(snip)

James50

I circulated it among my office. Now all the guys who design the USDA Food Pyramid will be chuckling over it!

Originally Posted by pizal81

Wow is that true. Why do we have so many freaking heart attacks?

Because American society is fundamentally based around the belief that misfortune is evidence of a personal failing -- that success in life is a sign of (and the direct result of) Virtue. It makes people both incapable of dealing with hard times in a healthy way, and overwhelmed with the terror of 'slipping up' even in decent times.

Protestantism, I think it's called.

You've lived outside the US. Haven't you noticed how much easier life is, and how much more content people around you are?

Originally Posted by Justin '77

Because American society is fundamentally based around the belief that misfortune is evidence of a personal failing -- that success in life is a sign of (and the direct result of) Virtue. It makes people both incapable of dealing with hard times in a healthy way, and overwhelmed with the terror of 'slipping up' even in decent times.

Protestantism, I think it's called.

You've lived outside the US. Haven't you noticed how much easier life is, and how much more content people around you are?

Hmmm, sounds like the ideology of many RW Libertarians ("The poor are all lazy!").

Originally Posted by Odin

Hmmm, sounds like the ideology of many RW Libertarians ("The poor are all lazy!").

It's definitely a failing of lots of people on the Right. It is, however, no less a failing of the vast majority of the Left. The fact that both sides advocate dealing with people possessed of the moral failing of not-success in different ways -- the right might tend to want to throw the less-than-moral aside completely to suffer for their sins, while the left might rather see the fallen as in need of salvation and setting-back-upon-the-True-path -- doesn't change their fundamental accord that not-success is a moral failing.

And the manifestation of that particular sickness of society in increased stress-based mortality (which is what the question was about in the first place) is a function not of how people see the immoral-Other, but of how they perceive the not-succeeding-Self. People don't die of coronaries more commonly because they think the poor are inferior; they die because they think they, themselves inferior if they do not attain constant success. That's a great recipe for misery, stress, and ultimately the effects of those states experienced chronically over a lifetime.

Originally Posted by Justin '77

Because American society is fundamentally based around the belief that misfortune is evidence of a personal failing -- that success in life is a sign of (and the direct result of) Virtue. It makes people both incapable of dealing with hard times in a healthy way, and overwhelmed with the terror of 'slipping up' even in decent times.

Protestantism, I think it's called.

You've lived outside the US. Haven't you noticed how much easier life is, and how much more content people around you are?

A lot of the church does teach that if you aren't financially secure, or rich for that matter, you lack faith. I don't believe that, but it is may represent the majority of protestantism.

Definitely, I've definitely seen that things can be easier where I live. (There are tons of English teaching jobs that pay well enough to live pretty good) Now for the Chinese, they have to work really hard just to get by and if you aren't the master you are the slave here. But there families are more important for them and usually they have a stronger support group than most Americans do.

Now I went to the university here and studied Chinese. Now life seemed like it was way easier for the Europeans. I think in France the typical work week is 35 hours. They get mandatory one month vacations plus holidays in some countries. I think Americans are over worked, but don't know it most of the time. The boomers I talk to act like all Americans are lazy, but I would say most are burned out. I read an article that medieval surfs had more vacation time than the average american if you count all the holidays and what not.

Anyway back to humor.

What's ok to serve, but not to eat?

A tennis or volley ball.

edit: or ping pong ball or badminton birdy.

edit:edit: !TweeeeeeT!

For generational humor: the comic strip "Pearls Before Swine." Rat is SUCH an Xer!

http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/

Originally Posted by The Grey Badger

For generational humor: the comic strip "Pearls Before Swine." Rat is SUCH an Xer!

http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/

I quite like this cartoon

What generation is Spongebob supposed to be? Is he an Xer or a Yer?

Originally Posted by Adina

What generation is Spongebob supposed to be? Is he an Xer or a Yer?

I dunno, but I wouldn't get close to that thing.
It looks like it might make you sick.

So if he's an x'er, what kind of sponge would he be? Prophylactic perhaps?

Originally Posted by Tone70

So if he's an x'er, what kind of sponge would he be? Prophylactic perhaps?

You think he's an Xer?

Originally Posted by Adina

You think he's an Xer?

Well not precisely...

Originally Posted by Tone70

Well not precisely...

An Xer-Millie cusper then?